Honoring the
Lives of Your Loved Ones

A common question for many who are grieving is: “How long will this last?” Unfortunately, there is no one-size-fits-all answer, as grief is a deeply personal experience. Generally, the intensity of grief tends to lessen over time, and by the second or third year, many people experience more good days than bad. For some, the grieving process may take between two and four years to reach a sense of emotional adjustment. However, the length of the process is affected by various factors, including personality traits and the nature of the relationship with the deceased. Remember, it is not a linear journey, and each person’s timeline is unique.

Grief affects both our emotions and physical health. Emotionally, it can manifest as disbelief, shock, sadness, anxiety, guilt, depression, anger, and frustration. Physically, people may experience symptoms such as tightness in the chest, heartache, dizziness, trembling, or panic attacks. Sleep disturbances, either sleeping too much or too little, are also common. All these responses are natural and a normal part of processing the loss of a loved one.

It’s absolutely normal to feel as if you are “losing control” during grief. In fact, grief can often feel like a chaotic time. Barbara Bartocci, in her book Nobody’s Child Anymore, explains that it’s common to feel distracted or forgetful, like you’re on “autopilot,” unable to focus on tasks or responsibilities. Bartocci suggests a simple solution: carry a small notebook to jot down important things. Be patient and kind with yourself. This is a difficult time, and acknowledging your feelings can help you navigate them.

While it may seem impossible now, the intense crying will eventually subside. This doesn’t mean you won’t have moments of sadness later on, but over time, the crying will lessen. Even after the tears stop, certain triggers—like a song or a special place—may bring back memories, causing a tear or a moment of sadness. Remember, crying is not only a natural response but also a healthy emotional release. As Shakespeare wisely said, “To weep is to make less the depth of grief.”

No, everyone grieves differently. While the emotional responses such as sadness, numbness, and confusion may be universal, the way people process their grief is unique. Some may find comfort in being surrounded by family and friends, sharing their emotions openly, while others prefer to grieve privately. It’s important to understand that grieving can feel like an emotional rollercoaster, with ups and downs, and that the moments of pain can eventually lead to healing.

While societal expectations often suggest that women are more expressive in their grief and men are more reserved, this stereotype doesn’t hold true for everyone. Both men and women experience grief in their own ways, influenced more by individual personality traits than by gender. Whether you are expressive or more private, it’s important to honor your own grieving style and approach it in a way that feels healing for you.

Holidays and special dates such as anniversaries and birthdays can be particularly challenging, as they may bring the feeling of an “empty chair.” Here are some helpful tips to manage these difficult times:

Anger is a natural part of the grieving process. You may feel angry with your loved one for leaving, with other family members, or even with medical professionals or higher powers. This anger is temporary and can be managed through physical activity—like exercise or housework—or by talking openly about your feelings. Allowing yourself to process anger is part of healing.

After the death of a loved one, the impulse to make big changes, like moving homes or changing jobs, can be strong. However, unless there is a pressing need, it’s wise to wait at least a year before making significant life changes. As grief expert Rabbi Earl Grollman advises, you may feel the urge to escape painful memories, but it’s essential to give yourself time to heal before making major decisions.

Mourning ends when the “tasks” of grief have been completed. According to grief counselor Dr. J. William Worden, these tasks include: accepting the reality of the loss, experiencing the pain of grief, adjusting to life without the deceased, and reinvesting emotional energy into new relationships. A key sign that mourning is complete is when you can remember your loved one without the intense pain it once caused. Though sadness may remain, it will no longer have the same overwhelming emotional weight.